A blood suagar of 20

I get a call from school the other day, it's Olivia she has called to tell me that she just tested her sugar and she was twenty!!! Here's how this call went...

Olivia-"Hi Mom, I just wanted to tell you that I tested my sugar and I was 20"

Me-"Like 2-0...twenty....not 120??

Olivia-"yup 2-0"

Me-"DRINK YOUR JUICE"

Olivia-"I did"

Me-"so you're 20, really just 2-0"

Olivia-"yup"

ME-"are you okay"

Olivia-"yes Mommy I'm fine"

Me-"are you sure, okay..well you need to test your sugar again in 15 min's and call me...okay"?

Olivia-"okay, talk to you later Mommy"

Tim was at the school eating lunch with Harrison at this time so I called him and told him about it and asked him to check in on her for me when they were done with lunch. Well little Miss Olivia didn't call me in 15's minutes, so at around 20 I send Tim off to find her!! She was in music class and told him that her blood sugar came up to 110 and she didn't think she should call during music...ugh!! So she was okay and safe, but that was one heck of a scare!! With a blood sugar of 20 she most defiantly should not been standing there, let alone getting her juice and giving me a call. She should of been passed out cold on the floor, THANK God she wasn't!! This is her new low record, the lowest she had ever been before this was 32. In a perfect world we would never even see her in the 60's, but we all know that this world isn't perfect.

Calls like these make my heart stop, stop in fear, stop in amazement over the strength of my little girl, stop and think what if. What if it wasn't her voice I heard when I answered my phone, what if it was her teacher or the secretary instead of the sweet voice of my daughter. What if the conversation went more like this.."Mrs Schoch, Olivia had a extreme low blood sugar at school today, she passed out and we (hopefully) gave her her glucacon shot and she is on her way to the hospital". Is this how it would go, would they really know what to do, or would I be receiving even a worse message. FEAR. I can't even imagine receiving a call like this, how I would react how awful this would be for poor Livy. That chance of loosing her, would they just send her away in a ambulance, and I would be driving to the hospital in complete fear of what kind of situation I was about to walk into. I pray to God I never have to find this out, I pray that she/we will always catch her lows and be able to treat them. I pray that all this damage that is being done in her little body doesn't do too much damage, and she is able to live a long healthy life. I pray for new technology and advances to make life a little easier for these kids. I pray for Olivia to stay strong and that all the stares and whispers don't hurt her too deeply. I pray for a cure of course, what Mother doesn't.

Olivia has been having multiple lows a day now for the past couple of days, I think we're going to have to lower her insulin. Hopefully we get her dosage back on track so that we won't see anymore low's for awhile!! She has also decided that SHE is ready for the pump now, not me pushing her to it. I think all the shots are getting to her, I think she's really starting to warm up to the idea of freedom. Free to have seconds, or a snack without a "extra shot", have dessert, not finish her meal, not having a "extra shot" to correct a high blood sugar. Really there end up being a lot of extra shots in a day. We went from a pretty regular 4 shots a day to mostly 5 or 6 a day...that's a lot!! Her little body is like a canvas for bruises. Really praying for that cure!!

Can't hide from it, although I try really hard at times

There was a lot of talk about the Oprah show yesterday on Diabetes. Now I couldn't bring myself to watch a show showing images of a lady who has lost her limbs and is waiting on a second kidney crying about how she wishes she took better care of herself at 44. So I didn't, kinda of wish I would of, who knows maybe I'll watch it online.

WHY, why me, why her...why?? I just can't help but ask this question. Why does this have to be her life, why does this have to be my life? What have I done in my life for her to deserve this?

Just yesterday I was getting the kids dinner and Tim's away so I was on my own. I couldn't help but being upset. Why do I have to measure out all of this food out, and do the math and then give my daughter yet another shot! I just don't want to do this anymore!!! I'm so stick of stabbing her with a freakin needle everyday many times a day!! I just don't want to do this anymore!! Your full, I'm sorry Olivia you have to eat the rest, your still hungry, I'm sorry Olivia you can't have anything else. UGH!!!

I feeling these things, it makes me feel so guilty. It makes me feel like a terrible mother, like I'm to lazy to take care of her, but honestly that's not it! I just get so emotionally drained. Can you even fathom what it would be like to put your child to bed every night knowing that something could happen and she could die in her sleep? It's almost unbearable to live with some times.

I'm so sick of being positive about her future, it's almost impossible to do. You can't watch a single freakin show without them at some point saying something about diabetes. I want to "fix" her so bad it makes me crazy!!

I hate pretending that I don't mind giving her shots, it KILLS me!! I hate seeing all the bruises all over her that I have given her from one of her many, many shots!! The scar tissue on her arms, legs, and butt.

Today is a bad day, what else can I say..