There was a lot of talk about the Oprah show yesterday on Diabetes. Now I couldn't bring myself to watch a show showing images of a lady who has lost her limbs and is waiting on a second kidney crying about how she wishes she took better care of herself at 44. So I didn't, kinda of wish I would of, who knows maybe I'll watch it online.
WHY, why me, why her...why?? I just can't help but ask this question. Why does this have to be her life, why does this have to be my life? What have I done in my life for her to deserve this?
Just yesterday I was getting the kids dinner and Tim's away so I was on my own. I couldn't help but being upset. Why do I have to measure out all of this food out, and do the math and then give my daughter yet another shot! I just don't want to do this anymore!!! I'm so stick of stabbing her with a freakin needle everyday many times a day!! I just don't want to do this anymore!! Your full, I'm sorry Olivia you have to eat the rest, your still hungry, I'm sorry Olivia you can't have anything else. UGH!!!
I feeling these things, it makes me feel so guilty. It makes me feel like a terrible mother, like I'm to lazy to take care of her, but honestly that's not it! I just get so emotionally drained. Can you even fathom what it would be like to put your child to bed every night knowing that something could happen and she could die in her sleep? It's almost unbearable to live with some times.
I'm so sick of being positive about her future, it's almost impossible to do. You can't watch a single freakin show without them at some point saying something about diabetes. I want to "fix" her so bad it makes me crazy!!
I hate pretending that I don't mind giving her shots, it KILLS me!! I hate seeing all the bruises all over her that I have given her from one of her many, many shots!! The scar tissue on her arms, legs, and butt.
Today is a bad day, what else can I say..
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