World Diabetes Day Today!!

Today is world Diabetes day, a day to raise awareness of Diabetes. Diabetes is a HUGE part of our life's, I feel like I eat and breath it. There really isn't a moment in my day that I'm not aware of Diabetes, it really is something that you have to think of 24/7.

Some facts about our day to day life and type 1 Diabetes...

-Olivia's pancreas does not produce any insulin, she would die without her insulin injections.
-No, we do not sleep through the night. She often needs another shot to bring her blood sugar down, or a snack to bring it up.
-She can't eat without a shot. She can have a a small serving of veggies or a cup of popcorn as a "free snack" in between meals.
-There is no figuring it out, just when you think you've figured it out everything changes.
-All kinds of things affect her blood sugar..hormones, stress, activity...you name it!!
-She has to decide what she's going to eat before she eats, she then receives her insulin, and she has to eat all of the food she was dosed for...no more, no less.
-Olivia is dealing with things quite well.
-We would love to get Olivia on a pump, but she's just not ready to be "attached" to something.

If you read this early enough today go throw on a blue shirt and show your support!!!

JDRF walk 2009

We had a beautiful day for the walk this year, sunny, no rain, and just perfect. Not too many people decided to walk this year with us, it was just us and my parents. Team Olivia raised almost $2,000, we were pleased about that.
Here we all are after the walk

Miss Livy Jane

The kids playing around before the walk

Just want to say a big "THANK YOU" to all of you who donated to Liv's team for the JDRF walk, it means so much to us!!!

Olivia's sugar is in such better control now that we've changed the way we take care of her. Big THANKS to Helen Devos for this. Her last A1C was great, I believe it was 7.8, which was a huge improvement!!

Getting ready for this year's walk!!!

It's that time of year again, and I have been behind on this one. I'm begging this year for people to walk with us, I'm really hoping and praying for a great walk this year!!! Please join our team, and ask some of your friends to sign up too! I know money is tight for everyone right now, but I was thinking if everyone donated $5 and then asked 5 friends to donate $5, and so on and so on, that we could reach our goal!!

Here is Olivia's new JDRF walk site for this year...
http://walk.jdrf.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=extranet.personalpage&confirmid=87401176

Speechless

I don't know what to say I'm so sick of this disease! I hate complaining on here all the time, but it's really my only therapy so bear with me!! I know it could be worse, I really, really do, and I thank God every day, every single day...but on the same hand it's really slowly sucking the life out of me. It's not all the things I have to do, I can handle any kind of task that will better her health or keep her healthy, it's the emotional impact of watching your child go through it!! I can't describe how it feels when she's sneaking food or watching other kids have what she can't, it slowly chips away at your heart, and let me tell you my heart is a mess right now!!

(I'm going to vent now)

It's eating dinner as a family and hating to let your other kids have anything extra because you know she can't. It's that she is ALWAYS hungry and there's not a dang thing I can do about it (insulin makes you hungry). It's the bruises on her arms, legs, butt, and stomach that bring tears to my eyes daily. It's feeling helpless. It's wanting so badly to make it better when I can't. It's worrying about things like her having babies, living on her own, drinking when she's older, being away from us, having seizures and all the crap that comes along with having Diabetes. It's wondering if Tim, me or one of our kids are a kidney match (not Harrison of course) so that if she desperately needs a kidney there's one. It's the thought of those beautiful blue eyes not being able to see.

I want her to feel normal, I want her to be healthy, I want her to be carefree like other kids can and not worry abouts carbs and serving sizes!!!

I NEED A DAMN CURE FOR THIS DISEASE!!!!!

Pump

So as most of you know Olivia was going to her pump opt on Thursday, which I couldn't of been more excited for!! This was it, this was the day I could order her pump, thing would be better now, right?? Wrong!

So at the opt I asked for a nurse to come up and actually insert the catheter of the Omnipod into her, big mistake!! This lady had no idea what she was doing!! Tim and I told her we wanted it to be inserted in her tummy, I also told her I wanted to pinch the site while it was being inserted. She put it on her, Tim and I told her we think it's backwards, she assured us it wasn't. Click, it was inserted and then Olivia started screaming and crying, "take it out, take it out it hurts, it hurts" sure as sh*t this lady put it on wrong and it was very close to Olivia's hip bone, we took it out at once!! I was not very happy, the nurse disappeared she must of known that I was going to kill her!!

I bribe Olivia with a trip to Target to have the normal site put in for her mandatory 3 days of wearing a dummy pump. She cried and cried but there was no place to run, so I held her while the lady did it. (Flash back to holding her down while they were giving her her first shot) She was crying, I was crying...why does this have to be her life.

She wouldn't even walk, she cryed all the way to Target, but cheered up as she was picking out her toy. People stared...I don't like this very much. Yes, she is hooked to something, it's now very visual that she is not normal, there is something wrong with her. Life sucks.

The next three days was a roller coaster ride from hell. The pump is very hard to be hooked to while getting dressed and going to the bathroom. It's not really meant for summer dresses and swimsuits.

We decided this wasn't for us, maybe we would be going with the Omnipod after all!! I called my insurance company to get it going, they inform me of what this is going to cost me...

-Children's with special needs insurance doesn't cover the Omnipod. We pay them $95 a month. So now all they will be covering is her vial of insulin, after blue cross blue shield of course, and anything that would be left over from a hospital visit.

-Our monthly fees after BCBS pays their part is around $100.

-Even better news is that we have to meet her $2,000 deductible every year before they'll pay for anything.

-Initial copay is around $1400.

We are talking around $5,000 a year just for these fees, that doesn't include Dr. visits and all the extra expense of food and supplies.

Yikes, I don't know what to do, I don't want to put a price tag on my daughter's health but YIKES, I don't know if I can do that!!

Would she hate the Omnipod, would it bother her when she was wearing her swimsuit, dresses, jeans...who knows.

We have much soul searching to do!!

Summer Camps

So I got a sheet home for a Girl Scout camp that I know Olivia would love, the only problem is how could she go!! This camp is about American girls and they're going to be cooking, putting on plays, swimming and doing arts and crafts. Now if Olivia didn't have diabetes it would be a no brainer, she'd totally be there, but she does and I'm left with...how could she, and should I even let her try!! It sucks, I know she'll miss out on stuff like this because there just won't be anyone there to care for her, and I don't think I can devote the whole week to going to camp with her, who would watch all the boys?? It's just a bummer!! I'm really going to search out a high school age girl that has type 1, and make her my babysitter, then I could pay her to go to camp with Livy!! Anyways I'm going to call the Girl Scout people and see if there is anything we can do, I just needed to vent a little....thanks!!!

Tonights dinner

BS=86 No correction

Dinner to insulin ratio= 1 unit for every 18 carbs

Dinner: Salad= 1.26
Chicken=0
Dressing=5
Cheese=.28
Strawberrie=10.93
Blueberries=7.43
Soy milk=10

Grand Total= 34.9 carbs = 1.94

Total units given= 2 units of novolog

Just try to do this for one meal!! There is this lady that I talk to on facebook, she has four kids and they all have type 1, can't imagine!!

The aftermath

So I think the depression of the 9.0 is sinking in, I know it shouldn't be, but it is. I know it's okay, I know we're heading in the right direction, but dang.....9.0!!

It just sucks!! It sucks that she just can't eat when she's hungry, it sucks that we just can't say let's go get ice cream, it sucks that we spend so much of our family meal time weighing, measuring and discussing, it sucks that this is forever, it sucks that there is no day off....I could go on forever!! It just plain sucks!!

I'm blessed that she's here, I'm blessed that she can live with this disease, I'm blessed that she can still participate in everything all the other kids can, I'm blessed that she can walk and talk!! I'm blessed that she's here with me, that she's my daughter!!

So while I feel like complaining about this at the moment, it's okay!! I need to just vent and then put one foot in front of the other and keep moving on!! This is the life I have been given, it's not a terrible one by any means, I have a great husband and four great kids, and one little challenge to overcome daily...no biggie!! I think maybe I'm at complete peace with it, but then I think of her as a young adult and her doing it on her own, trying to have kids, trying to follow the strictness of food regimens and just coping with the everyday battles! I wish I could control this disease for her for the rest of her life, but I can't!

Now I'm off to make dinner..to measure and weigh :)

The dreaded number is 9

So it's not exactly what I was hoping for, but she did go down from 9.4 to 9.0. I have to be honest it was yet another slap in the face!! I'm glad she's going down, I just wish she went down a little more!! I'm trying not to beat myself up too much over this, we're going in the right direction, we've only now really learned the skills necessary to keep her under tight control!! I remind myself often that we could of spent her whole life with her old Dr. and we would probably never ever see great numbers like we will see in the near future!! I wish I hadn't spent the past almost 2 years following this guy, but there's nothing I can do about it now except be thankful that I am no longer with him!

We went to our third class and learned so much more, we now have 2, 3 and 4 hour BS (blood sugar) goals and different carb to insulin ratio's for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Breakfast she is 11 carbs for 1 unit of insulin, lunch is 22 carbs for every unit, and dinner is 18 carbs for every unit!! For her BS's her 2 hour goal (2 hours after insulin is given) is 200, 3 hour is 180 and 4 hour is 150, her correction is 1 unit for every 120 over. So if 4 hours after insulin was given and her BS was 195, she would be 45 over her target..you would divide the 45 into the 120 which = 0.37, and lets say it's lunch time and she's having 39 carbs for lunch..you then take her lunch ration which is 1 to 22, divide 39 by 22 = 1.77. Then you add the two together..0.37+1.77=2.14, so she would get 2 units of insulin. It's a lot of math, and I now always have a calculator with me!! So at every meal you will see Tim and I talking about the math, trying to count the carbs, weighing her food and discussing if we are right or wrong!! When she has a really high number it puts us both in a very somber mood, it's hard to have a great dinner when your stressing over what kind of error you've made!

Tim would kill me for posting about this, but it's life we all make mistakes!! The other night she was high before bed, so Tim had given her a correction dose. He miscalculated it and over dosed her by a unit. We didn't realize this until I tested her BS at 11:00 and she was63, Tim quickly ran downstairs to get her a snack. He felt soo awful, but these things are very easy to do when your just learning all this! She of course was fine, Tim on the other hand was pretty shaken up!

We're still learning and looking forward to the June 11th pump class, we will probably be ordering our pump that day. In some ways we're not 100% ready for it, we would love to master these skills before we move on, but since we are about 1 year into bad A1C's it's really the right move to make!!

Keep Olivia in your thoughts and prayers as we move on with this next journey, I know it will be a hard one!!

Keep your fingers crossed

Tomorrow we go over to GR for Olivia's Dr. opt and class 3 for Tim and I. Hoping that this A1C is much lower than her previous A1C, I'm really hoping that she's in the 8's, and if she was in the 7's I think I might fall over and die from excitement!!! I know that if it's not a big change this time that it's coming!! So keep your fingers crossed for me!!

Looking forward to a great summer

Things are still going pretty well with her numbers, we've mastered the skills we've been taught and really love being able to keep better control of her!!! We have even questioned the pump a little bit, but we know that it is even a better path to control...so we're taking it!! Before there was so much guessing on our parts and now it's very mathematical...much less room for error!

I can't wait for summer to be here, to have her home with me and get her started on the pump...how exciting!! I wouldn't even dream of attempting to try to start her on the pump during the school year, so this is really all working out great!! She has her next opt. on the 28th and I'm really hoping and praying for a much lower A1C!! I'm trying not to get myself too excited, we've really only been doing their method for a couple of weeks, and trying to do their method for about a month or so. I know it will be coming down, even if it's not this time, it will be next time for sure!!

As I'm sure most of you know it looks like we will be moving South here in a few months, this is such a great time for me to find that perfect school for her!! Although I do really like where she's at, I don't like it as a Mother of a Diabetic child...it's just not a good fit!! I now have this opportunity to start over and find the right school for all my kids, but more importantly a school that is going to be a good environment for a Diabetic child. I'm hoping and praying that I find a school with a great nurse, has a junk food policy and one that I will be welcomed in at all times!! I don't think it will be too hard, but if I don't find that perfect school we might just be looking at homeschooling! Who knows what the immediate future is going to bring, I just hope it brings us to so a great A1C, happy home, great school and a good healthy year for my kids!!

Loving her numbers!!!

I am a little nervous that now that I've actually said that it's all going to come crashing down on me...YIKES!! But it's been great, I love seeing her numbers be in the low 100's at meal time, it makes me sooo happy! She ran high for a few days with the strep throat, but then she went right back into giving me some great numbers!

I will never question myself again about not being sure about a Dr., just because he's a Dr. doesn't mean he knows everything, or is right for you! Best thing I've done to date for her diabetes is leaving that office and searching out something new and something better! We had our first class the other day and were able to learn even more than we thought was possible! We have another class at the end of the month and then on July 11th we go to our first pump class...YEAH!! On this day we can order our pump, I have waited for this day to come for sooo long, it will surely be a wonderful day when we receive our pump and she is able to be "hooked" up!! All the vanity issues I use to have about it have gone out the window, I want her to be able to eat if she's hungry and have seconds if she wishes! Anyways, I'm waiting patiently because I'm learning so much, she's doing good and I know she's being well taken care of know!!

Strep it is

So she does have strep, along with my other 3 kids!! Her sugars were horrible last night!! She tested her sugar for bedtime 8:00 she was 386, so we gave her a extra shot (2 units) to bring her down along with Lantus. We tested her at 10:30 she was 460...crazy right? We didn't feel comfortable giving her another shot because the Novalog (insulin) would still be working. We then tested her at 2:30 and she was 320, we chose to not give her another shot, when we probably should of. She woke up this morning with her b/s at 300. So anyways it's been like that all day today too, we've given her a little extra insulin but we just can't get her numbers right!! Dr. Tim told me today that there are all kinds of hormone released when your fighting infections and they also resist insulin. So I guess it's a hopeless battle! Hoping tomorrow is a better day for her b/s, this is not helping my dream of a much better A1C!!! One day at a time right??

Sick days...

So sick days are never fun for a Diabetic, it means uncontrollable blood sugars, like I had any control of them anyways!! I'm taking her into the Dr.'s this afternoon, we'll see what's going on. She's not super sick, just cold like stuff, but she first started to complain of a sore throat and then a belly ache..so maybe strep again!! I HOPE NOT!! This poor girl is allergic to quite a few antibiotic and she has had strep 5 times this year. So we'll see we ended up having to give her a extra shot last night around 11:30 because her blood sugar was like 389. The first shot Tim tried to give her she woke up and jerked and bent the needle, that's never fun. I often wonder if she feels as sleep deprived as we do, with us always in there testing her and waking her up to feed her. She has started to tell us at night time not to forget to wake up and test her, it's sad because I think she has the fear now. But I don't worry about her going low nearly as much as I used too. I know if I put her to bed at 190 now that she is probably going to make it through the night, this helps me sleep at night!!!

Good things are happening!!

Things are going great with the new Dr. she is great and the changes in Olivia's care are huge!! We no longer have to pump her full of 30 carbs just to put her to bed, 30 carbs would get her bs (blood sugars) to above 350. Now they have lowered her long acting insulin so we can put her to bed at 150 and she'll wake up around 100...it's GREAT!! We have a few classes to attend and then we'll be starting the pump process!! We are very excited about all of this, and hoping that her next A1C will be MUCH better!! Olivia also had her first blood test done with this new Dr. they test the thyroid every year. I really feel like she is in much better hands!!!

We had a great vacation over spring break and Olivia's bs's were great on the trip which is a victory in it's self!! She enjoyed the beach and we ate out every night and only had a couple of high bs's at bedtime...not too bad!!

We are also trying to figure out the whole moving and school thing for next year. I've talked to quite a few schools that have nurses and are strict on food in the school. Would be a great change for Olivia, since she struggles with all the "treats" she can't have at school. Looking forward to having a less stressful school experience!!

Things are going really well lately!!! With a little warmer weather and some sunshine Olivia's sugars have been great!! We go next Wednesday to a pediatric endocrinologist in Grand Rapids, so I'm hoping she is willing to sign Olivia's form for her Omnipod.....keep your fingers crossed!!! We are also looking forward to spring break, it will be a much needed break for the family and some sunshine and fresh air!!! Olivia is also getting ready for her spring recital at school, which she is looking forward to playing a song on the piano during it...we're proud of how good she has gotten!!

I have read a few stories lately of some very sick kids, and I have to say I feel so blessed to have some pretty healthy kids!! I thank God that Olivia's condition is very treatable and there is hopefully a cure in her lifetime...that's more than some parents can say. Life is fragile and these kids of ours are such a blessing, and I'm really going to start trying harder not to get caught up in the stress and enjoy every minute!!!

What a bright light she is!!

All the complaining I do on this blog about the stress of Diabetes, I don't often talk about my very strong and very brave little girl!!! So here it goes..........

Olivia is a seven year old girl that yes has type 1 Diabetes, but she's so much more than that!! She is the love of my life, she is my best friend, she's the best sister these boys could ask for, she's strong and brave, and she is such a bright light!!! She has a special sparkle in her eye, she's full of life!! As I sit here typing this she is dancing around my family room, God she is a amazing kid!! I feel so blessed and privileged to raise her, so through all our struggles and battles I wouldn't change one thing. I will fight a million fights to be lucky enough to have her along side me!! I sometimes wonder where her strength comes from, I'd love to say me, but I know I wasn't that strong when I was a kid. I think I have only found my strength in the recent years, I have only now became the person I am because of her. She has made me appreciate life so much more, she's given me a reason to fight a good fight, I now have a clear purpose and this purpose is to find this little girl a cure!! I wish you all had a chance to know her, and for those of you that do know her, you know what a little firecracker she is!!! So she'll dance, sing and play and be as innocent as she can be, I hope this lasts forever!!! Although I know it won't I know one day she will have to deal with this disease on her own, and I will slowly have to let go. So I count everyday as a blessing, and every day I get her sugar right I can smile that day, that day I did right by her, that day didn't take any future from her!! Hugs your kids extra tight tonight!!!

I hate to say it, but I'm so tired!!

It's so terrible to say but I feel so exhausted, this battle is one that truly never gives you a time out!! I feel so tired and stressed all the time!! In my free time I'm researching about Diabetes or this pump or carbs in this food, I very rarely ever do things like take baths or read a book (unless it's about Diabetes)! I have been consumed, and now I'm feeling so beaten down!! Allot of it may have to do with the winter....YES, I hate it!! But I just need a break, I know I'm not going to get one, but I feel like I need one :) Tim and I went out for Valentines day to dinner for about a hour and half and got three calls!! Now I love my kids more than anything, and I truly don't mind anyone calling, actually I prefer it, it's just kinda like the reality of it all hits you. Most people can go out to dinner, or go out and not have to stress about what their kids sugar is going to be, and if your going to be able to properly calculate the carbs over the phone, without even seeing the food!! Yikes...I think I just needed to vent a little here! Every time there is a holiday I get a little overwhelmed, including Valentines day! I hate school parties, and all the junk food that is associated with every darn holiday, people wonder why kids are fat....really??? So anyways this is just my little rant and rave!!

Praying for warmer days!!!!

The fight for the Omnipod!!

So we (Olivia) have decided on the Omnipod, she wore one around for three days and loves it!!! It's a pump with no tubing and it just sticks onto your skin, pretty cool. We would just change this pod every 2-3 days, so just one poke every three days instead of 12 shots!!! Sounds great right...well my Doctor, Dr. Halsey is refusing to sign off on the papers that I need signed for Olivia to get the Pod, what a JERK!! He said he wants to make it a "team" decision, not a "my decision", but yet he won't meet with me until her scheduled opt. in two months!!!! So I spent a day on the phone calling doctors and found one in Grand Rapids that can get her in on March 18th. So we're on hold until then and just hoping that he will be willing to sign off on the papers!!

Olivia's sugars have been a little crazy!! She calls me at 10:00 from school every morning and she has been between 400-450 every day for two weeks...ahhh...I'm going out of my mind!! We keep upping her dosage, but can't break this cycle, I just don't know what to do!! She did get strep throat and a ear infection...ugh..I don't think the sickness is ever going to end!! So maybe this is why she is running high. She has confessed to me a few times now that school is hard for her, it's hard not to be able to eat what all the other kids are eating. Her school gives out WAY too much candy, and she has to be strong enough to say no. Also with her sugars being so high it's hard for her to concentrate, so maybe she is a little stressed out and this is effecting her sugar. I'm thinking of home schooling her, I think it might be best for her physically and emotionally. I don't want her to miss out, but I do want her to feel normal (as possible) and not have to stress about food all the time. Who knows, this whole disease makes you feel lost...I am lost, just trying to do the best I can!!

To pump or not to pump???

This is the question I'm trying to figure out right now!! The pump appears to offer much better control over blood sugars and gives a little more freedom. That being said no one in this house likes the idea of my daughter being hooked up to a machine!! Ugh!! I just don't know, it breaks my heart to picture her in one of her cute little bikinis with a pump and tubing!!! Stupid right?? I don't know a part of me still thinks if she's not on a pump when she's off playing she looks like any other kid out there, this pump will put a huge "I have diabetes sticker on her forehead". I think I still live in some kind of denial, I don't want this to be her life so I don't think I have fully accepted it!! I don't expect anyone to understand this, because I don't really understand it myself!!! But all in all Olivia's health is the most important thing so I think we'll end up giving this pump thing a try. She's picked out a nice pink (one touch ping) pump, it has a remote control, submersible up to 12 feet for 24 hours, and has pink sites!!! Wow, trust me there will be many tears shed once I see her all hooked up, but I'm hoping that this little machine helps us keep her sugars in such better control that one day I will rejoice seeing her all hooked up!!! On another note I'm taking her up to U of M to meet with a pediatric endocrinologist, hopefully he can shed some light on some things and help us get her A1C's down!! Keep Olivia in your thoughts and prayers, and if your not too busy keep me in there too...God knows I need it...I think I'm a heart attack walking!! Be thankful for all those healthy kiddo's, life can change so fast!!

A1C

So we went to kid clinic and I didn't cry my eyes out, mainly because I felt like throwing up the entire time I was there!!! So her A1C was 9.2 a little high, but with all she's been through the past couple of months and all I'll take it. Anytime she runs high ketones like she did with the stomach flu it affects her A1C, so it doesn't make me happy, but I'll take it!!! So I'm truly hoping to get her to the low 8's for her next visit, keep your fingers crossed!!! Ya never know what's going to happen but a number like 9.2 can't stay!!! Maybe we'll have to really push the pump with her if I can't get it down with the injections. I hate to do that because I really and truly feel like it's her body and her choice, but there might have to be some great reward she can't pass up to do it :) I don't mind bribing my kids, I'll say it...whatever it takes!!!! I've been chatting on a few "support" groups on facebook, more like a bunch of Mom's but it can be very supportive to know that others feel the same ways you feel and depressing to hear of any bad things that have happened to these kids. I'll admit I walk a very fine line of denial and reality, I try to forget all the bad things that can happen and live life as normal as possible as often as I can. It is always in the back of my head, but I try to keep it there!!!! And while I'm confessing it can be very hard to look at people with perfectly normal kids that don't take very good care of!!! Yes, the whole why me syndrome. Why Olivia....we don't smoke or do drugs or anything like that...ugh!!! There is no answer to why, it just is what it is!!

To all of you with healthy kids...enjoy and appreciate every day, I know I didn't do this enough!!! You just never know when your entire life is going to change!! I pray that none of you ever have to go through this, and I pray that Olivia won't have to go through this for the rest of her life!!! I'll have to get all geared up for my walk this year!! Hope you guys aren't too busy in September!!!

STRESS!!!

I am freaking out about tomorrow's kid clinic!!!! The stress is unbearable, I am moody, grouchy and feel like I could cry at any given moment!!! What a joke...I know there's nothing me stressing out about it is going to do, so I should should just relax right....wrong, I can't!! I high number comes along with the feeling of guilt and failure, and it will be higher since she's been so sick and had ketones. Just imagine the feeling of slowly killing your child, sounds harsh right??? That's what I'm doing if I don't get her sugar right on, that's what I'm doing if I relax for a moment and let her have something I know she probably shouldn't have....like that piece of birthday cake or Christmas cookie!! I know there is no controlling this disease but if I don't try am I really giving Olivia a fair shot at a good long life??? Things like blindness, kidney failure and loss of limbs don't really leave a parent of a diabetic child. It's always there haunting you, waiting for you to screw up. Sometimes I just want a a break from all the stress and anxiety all the worry, but do you know what a break means for me, it means that Livy is not here. So I will never have a break or wish too much for one!!! I love that little girl like I never thought I could love anyone!!! Even a night out is filled with calls about blood sugars and calculating insulin doses, diabetes doesn't let you forget for even a moment that your sick. IT SUCKS!!! So even on those days when I'm completely falling apart on the inside I still put a smile on my face because maybe Olivia doesn't feel the same way I do just yet, maybe I can shelter her from this pain a little while longer and hurt for her!!!

Kid Clinic

This Saturday we go to kid clinic at the Diabetes center, I'm nervous for this A1C!!! In the past three months Olivia has had ketones with the stomach flu and has now been running a fever for over a week and still isn't over strep!!! So this is a day for me that can either make you or break you. If it's high you come out of there feeling like a complete failure and like I've done my daughter a injustice!!! Then I go into the slight depression for a week or so, it's like a nice slap across my face of reality!! Yes your daughter does have diabetes and no matter how hard you try to live a normal life this is NEVER going to go away this is here to stay!!!! Now if for some crazy reason I got a lower number well that can just make my day!!!! But I don't think that's going to happen for me this time, not with her being so sick and it being winter (no exercise). So I'm bracing myself now for Saturday hopefully I won't cry all day, and I can say okay we'll do better and lets just move on from here and DO BETTER!!!! We'll see.

I talked to Olivia about getting a diabetes service dog and she's really onboard with that idea, she likes the thought of being able to go to friends houses more often (with her dog). I'm sure everyone will love to have Olivia and her dog over but o-well!!! Now I just have to hope I can get her a dog..Yikes...I'm hoping this will happen for her. I've filled out a few applications, but she is young and it is a TON of training you have to go through to get one of these dogs. Just today though Olivia was playing on the computer completely fine and I said why don't you test your sugar and see if your ready for a snack...she was 50. I'm sure this disease is not only taking years off her life but it's taking quite a few off mine as well!!!

So wish me luck on our three month visit and I'll post the o so frighting number!!!

Things are well!!!!

Despite the stomach flu and a trip to the ER, things have been going well lately! We had a great Christmas and a nice long relaxing break, can't complain. It was nice to have all my kids with me for two weeks with no running around, a few days we didn't even get out of our PJ's!! A little before Christmas we took a little getaway to Kalahari, that was a much needed break. This trip to Kalahari was much more relaxing than the last trip, and really opened our eyes to how far we've come. Last year when we were there Olivia had just been diagnosed about 2 weeks earlier, and I was like 9 months preggo!! We were sooo uptight about everything it was so stressful, this time we were calm and able to enjoy our time together even with the baby!!!